Breaking Me Beautifully

I watched a swan through glass this morning.
The first violet sight
Of a day of blues and reds.

Such grace in the afterglow of her footsteps...
I saw the water...
Watched it ripple and undulate
As she drifted with a slow elegance
And a warm glance at
Me
Following in her WAKE.

I sank with outstretched arms
Face-up
Into her red waters
As I do now ...
Letting them take me...
Swallow me.
Engulfing me with a fire-fed comfort...
A gentle heat
Like the aura of making love...
Bathed in sweat, breath, and a serene twilight...
In the jeweled dark
Of my unconscious backdrop.

My hands caress metal
Chipped, cheap, and ugly
While my mind watches the ripples she leaves behind
And my heart yearns...
Cries for more.

I see the world fading
Beyond the sliding door...
And understand what really matters
As I release this steel...
And all I can feel
Is the soft, sweet tickle
Of her feather-light hairs
On my skin.

Strange as it may seem
The hardest thing for me
Is not to watch the swan
Hurry away...
But to count the tiny pieces of gold
As I take one moment for each one
To cherish its shine
Before I cast it into my lake.

So I dip my fingertip
Into the shimmering waters
At the lake's edge
And stir...
Stir...
Stir.
Remembering the silky poshness
Of her legs
As they danced on my dust
The way I wanted them to.
Then, I rise
From kneeling to standing
And turn my face skyward
Biting my lip
And praying...
And hoping...
That I can number these gleaming rocks
From one
To Infinity...
And smile with her softest feather
Given to me for safe keeping...
Locked inside my soul
As I watch her fly away
Knowing that
When the moment came...
And she waded in my lake...
There was, then and there formed
An unbreakable link...
A connection...
A bond
From her second home to her first...
And from my heart to her's
Always.

(Written January 9, 2004)