Fluctuations, Like Sinusoid Bitchslaps.

This is not a post.
This is a rant.

I've lately managed to clusterfuck the many and varied attempts at uncomplicating my life. This shit is really starting to irritate me.

It's bad enough I STILL can't get my fucking hands on the means to do the things I really love in life. But it's been 3 months already. Shit was supposed to get better, wasn't it? Funny, I still find myself in the same position that I started in, only with a thousand more reasons to shake my fist at the world and kick holes in the walls.

I've already grown quite tired of my living environment. The thoroughly mundane and unsatisfying atmosphere of this city and it's people have driven me to a new point of furor. It seems that with great amounts of freedom came the ability to gallop unfettered in a fucking 3X3 pasture that people call New Haven.

Let's get something straight - New Haven sucks. Being from New York, you can't go anywhere else in the United States without feeling utterly underwhelmed by the "many" things that other places have to offer. I literally seem to do the same shit every fucking day. If this is all there is to life, I'd rather be a starving artist. At least then, I'd know that my quotidian struggles are fueled with passion and that my waking every morning is full of meaning, purpose, and substance. Life is far more interesting when you have no fucking idea what tomorrow will bring and you have to work to make new and interesting things happen. You take risks. You give society the finger and do what feels good. You fuck things up monumentally only to wake up the next day and say to yourself "you know what... I'm still here. life goes on."

Honestly, I have no idea where I'm going with this. Call it frustration. Call it the late-evening rantings of a very jaded individual. Call it raging hormones. Ugh.

I really don't give a fuck.

I'll hit you with more shit when my head is clear and my temper isn't at fever pitch. I honestly don't even know what I just wrote and probably don't mean half of this shit literally anyway. It's been another shitty day. So sue me.

Bye.